It Didn't "Just Happen"
- JiJi Vyse
- Jun 21, 2020
- 2 min read
First things first. Happy Father's Day to all the amazing fathers and father figures making positive changes in the world today!
Disclaimer before we get into it: This is not about circumstances over which you had/have no control.
We use that cop out, "It just happened," or "I don't know how it happened," far too frequently. In my humble opinion, the idea that "it just happened," denies responsibility to the fact, yes you read right--FACT, that we make conscious decisions that land us in the positions in which we find ourselves. Think about it. It didn't "just happen" that you...
...got the job.
...got the house.
...fell in love (Whoever came up with that term? From where did you fall? I digress.)
...cheated on my significant other (SO).
...made it big.
...ended up living in another country.
...got pregnant/got her pregnant.
...lost a friend.
...went broke.
...grew apart from them (friend, family, SO).
...gained/lost weight.
...became unhappy.
...became happy
...became lonely.
...etc., etc., etc.
The list goes on. I believe we resort to, "it just happened" when things tend to happen quickly, when they seem to make little to no sense, or even when we feel some sort of guilt. In a sense, resorting to "it just happened," absolves us of having to taking ownership of our deliberate decisions, whether outcomes are positive or negative. When "it just happened" results in a positive outcome, we like to leave it up to fate and the fact that it was just meant to be. When negative outcomes result, we tend to resort to not being fully present or in the healthiest mental space at the time. While that may be true, at some point, we allowed ourselves to get that level for whatever reason. Being in an unhealthy mental space is forgivable; however, we should still be able to own up to our actions. Instead of resorting to "it just happened,"consider that I...
...got the job because I'm skilled in this field and was well-prepared for the interview.
...got the house because I saved enough for a down payment.
...fell in love because I allowed myself to be open to a great individual.
...cheated on my SO because I didn't have the courage to break up.
...made it big because I worked hard and cultivated strong relationships in my industry.
...ended up living in another country because I wanted to start over in a new place.
...got pregnant/got her pregnant because we didn't use protection.
...lost a friend because it wasn't important enough to fight to keep it.
...went broke because I had poor spending habits.
...grew apart from them (friend, family, SO) because we chose not to stay in touch.
...gained/lost weight because I keep eating poorly/not consuming enough calories.
...became unhappy because I stopped doing the things that made me happy.
...became happy because I chose to do the things that made me happy.
...became lonely because I stopped answering/making phone calls and spending time with friends, family, and/or my SO.
...etc., etc., etc.
Next time we're ready to resort to, "Man, I don't know how it happened," or "It just happened," perhaps we should take a step back to reflect on the true reason as to why whatever it is, actually happened. Maybe we'll end up one step closer to the growth that we're seeking. Hindsight is 20/20. Drop your comments below.
Thanks! Ha! IJS. I especially hear more men (ahem) these days speaking about how people should take more ownership for situations they end up in.
Great read! Guess I can't say man it just happened anymore 🙄