Parents Too, Get Old

WARNING: This is the opposite of a happy read. If you wish not to think about the realities that can come along with parents becoming older and death, please do not continue.

How's everyone doing in the age of self-quarantine due to coronaVIRUS (in my Cardi B. voice)/Covid-19? I hope you're all holding up alright. I'm doing pretty well, but work has been kicking my arse. Nonetheless, I'm grateful to have a job that pays the bills. I know that many people are without and struggling, so that's definitely not an easy situation. My heart goes out to everyone as we are all strained-- job or no job, during this time.

So, what I really wanted to write about tonight is the fact that how over the past few years, the reality of my parents actually becoming older and eventually elderly, keeps hitting me harder and harder each year. It's not just my own parents' experiences, but also the experiences of my friends' parents. Some have been diagnosed with terminal illnesses and even passed away (RIP). None of those are easy to process. At all. We know that we're all going to leave this earth at some point, but knowing still doesn't make it easy. Maybe one day I'll be a bit more open about my own personal situation, but I'm not trying to get too much into my feelings writing about that at this moment.

I've had discussions with friends about the difficult conversations we need to start having with our parents, especially now that most of us are past our mid-thirties with parents over 60 years old. Questions such as the ones I've listed below have been part of the discussion and what's gone through my mind:

• What's on your bucket list that I can help you achieve sooner rather than later?

• In the event that your breathing stops or your heart stops beating, would you like to be resuscitated?

• Is there anything you'd like me to handle on your behalf before you go?

• Are there any messages you'd like to ensure you relay to anyone specific before you go? (I don't need to know the details, I can just help coordinate the communication.)

• Have you officially given anyone power of attorney?

• What would you want your funeral to be like?

• Would you prefer to be buried or cremated? Something else? (Are there other options? Please school me.)

• Where would you like to be buried (specific state, country, etc.)?

Things I mainly keep to myself are:

• How would I cope if my parents were no longer the people I knew them to be, due to illness or just old age?

• If I had to care for my parents full-time, how would I balance that as a single person while also working full-time? How would I balance it with a spouse and children?

• If I get married, will my parents be around to get to know my spouse?

• If I'm blessed with a child or children, will they ever know their grandparents?

• How would one parent cope with losing the other? How would my siblings cope?

• How in the world would I cope with losing a parent?

• Would my relationship with my siblings change in any way with the passing of my parents?

• If my parents didn't lay out their wishes, how would I carry out their funeral arrangements and their possessions afterwards?

• If I'm planning funeral arrangements, how would I handle that while simultaneously grieving?

Again, I know this is likely a depressing post for most; however, I strongly believe that these are important things that are just a part of life. Some of us may face them and some may not, but I wanted to bring a sense of reality to the things we face as we go through this adulting thing. Do any of those questions cross your mind? Have you had any of the difficult conversations with your parents? If so, what were those conversations like? I personally have started the conversation with my parents, but it's something that's ongoing. Share your experience in the comments below.