Things We Should NOT be Doing in 2019

2018 was an interesting year. I learned a lot and plan to apply what I've learned in 2019-- and hopefully for the rest of my life. I'm listing things that I should not be doing in 2019, but I knew it would be beneficial for all so it's now a list of what WE shouldn't be doing in 2019. Homegirls and homeboys, if you see me partaking in any of the below, please CALL ME OUT. If you choose not to exhibit these behaviors in 2019, make it more tangible and comment "I commit in 2019" in the comments section. :wink: Alright, let's get on with the show.

1. Trying to change people.

Whether we realize we're doing it or not, it's easy to try and change people-- especially when they're family and romantic interests. We want the best for the people we love, so of course we're going to push for them to do better. While we should encourage people along the way, getting angry because they don't become who we want them to? Nah. They should change because they want to. We can share and encourage, but it's God's job to work on the heart and make a change in someone. And you know what else? A change that doesn't come from within isn't likely to be a lasting one.

On the romantic tip, in 2019, when we first meet a person and they show us that they're slightly sketchy, have nasty habits, don't have a relationship with God, etc. take it for what it is. If their behaviors and lifestyle don't align with your values, don't try and stick around to see if those things will change. Nah, sis. Nah, bruh. Let go of that "I can change him/her" superpower that you think you have. Let them be who they are and instead, surround yourself with people who already exhibit the qualities you like. Disclaimer: I don't see anything wrong with remaining friends if you choose to, but be clear as day that the romantic pursuit is now over.

2. Acting like we have no/low self-esteem.

Honnnnaaayyy!* Let me tell you about that time, I mean, those times when I had low self-esteem. It was not a good look! I allowed people to treat me in less than honorable ways and felt like crapola* dot com because of it. When I stopped to reflect on why I allowed that foolishness, I realized that it was actually me treating myself in less than honorable ways. Remember that we teach others how we should be treated. While we can't control what a person will do, we can control how we respond. If we're getting treated badly, we have the option to fall back from surrounding ourselves with the toxics*. We have to remember to work on ourselves. Self-esteem IMO, is another way of saying "self-love." God created you so knowing how prized you are in His eyes is enough to fuel the self-love. He doesn't make garbage so when we treat ourselves as such, we have to figure out where the disconnect lies. Once we've figured that out, do the work (sometimes it's hard) to get back to loving the amazing, deserving-of-ALL-the-love people that God created us to be. In 2019, tell yourself and others, to miss you with it. You're deserving of far better, so let's act like it.

*Honnnnaaayyy = honey, but in a fancier, more animated way

*crapola = a big load of crap

*toxics = (people who are toxic)

3. Encouraging pettiness.

Being petty these days is something that we seem take pride in. Por que? I doh undastand.* "Girl, you know I had to be petty because she did this to me." We wear shirts that read, "Stay Petty," "Petty AF," "Petty since birth," and the list goes on. Personally, I've never been a fan of flaunting around being petty towards others. I've always been taught that two wrongs don't make a right and we should treat others how we want to be treated (my five year-old niece graciously reminded my father of this at Christmas as she was being reprimanded about sharing the remote). Encouraging pettiness perpetuates a cycle of immature behavior and the inability to communicate effectively and with purpose. Most importantly, pettiness perpetuates the inability to resolve issues. I recommend encouraging people to woman/man up and confront the situation like an adult. Moral of the story: stop the Petty madness. This is why we can't get along.

*Por que = why?

I doh undastand = I don't understand.

4. Feeling obligated to take on someone else's responsibility.

Let me be clear that if you want to and enjoy being responsible for another adult's responsibilities in 2019, that's great. Continue to do so. This point is not for you.

In 2019, let's recognize what and who we are truly responsible for. Let's get away from the guilt trips that some people try to impose on us in obligating ourselves to take on the responsibilities of others. Let's not be fans of aiding and abetting behavior that will perpetuate irresponsible behaviors. If the people you obligate yourself to do not fit any of the criteria below, we've got to ask ourselves why we are creating the self-imposed obligation.

• Elderly,

• Parentless children

• Children with completely unfit parents

• Are not in their right frame of mind

• Are not fully abled

• Other (I know I missed some other valid reasons, but that's all I can think of right now)

It could be that it makes us feel better about ourselves, we're afraid to say "nah, sis/bruh," we're seeking some sort of validation/approval, we're afraid of what others might say if we choose not to obligate ourselves, WWJD, etc. Whatever it is, if we're reluctantly taking on others' responsibilities, we should take a moment to ask ourselves why. Many of us know what's required of us so as not to become a burden on someone else. The problem is that we're often too lazy, too fearful, too inconsiderate, and just too comfortable where we are. Because we've got people out here aiding and abetting, there's no incentive to do differently. Remember that you cannot change a person, but you can choose how you respond to their behavior.